Recovery Shimmy.
My rambelings today around my recovery.
Yup!! Back to recovery. I quess I will peridocialy be backwards and forwards with my recovery dance, a little recovery shimmy from time to time. Smiles.So I quess Im chatting recovery shimmy.
What is recovery?
Again I will answer that question the same as I always do. Recovery is each individual’s process of change where action is applyed to enable one to maintaion a comftable,free and rewarding life.Yes… I am in my own recovery process,always have been and I quess I always will be.
Who needs recovery?
I don’t know. I wouldn’t like to say. I believe it’s each individual’s attitude to their ways of being that will dictate to them in their life if they need a recovery process.It was quite easy for me to want to change the way I was being.I was chemically dependant from a very early age, 17 and was experiencing the bondage and slavery my addiction had on me.I was desolate, helpless and desperate. I wanted to die before I had started to live. I had died, however a very small part of me wanted to live.
Is recovery easy?
Well I quess it’s as easy or as hard as you make it, or in my case how others made it for me. AND MAN!! That was hard.
By that I mean when you enter into a treatment centre weather it be a concept house, a therapuctic cummunity or 12 step treatment centre and you have to conform to the rigid structure of how to address your feelings.My treatments one in particular the 12 step one was based on power and control, where humiliation tatcis and challenging and confrontive confrontations were in daily use. So very hard.
For me I found, and am finding out more so today that I became an example of a modle. I wasn’t myself and it’s taken for me to get to the age of 42 to finaly begin to feel some
sort of self.
For me I have found that I am in recovery from that one given recovery process and that has taken away the whole full meaning of what my recovery is,has and continues to be about.
Urmm!! What was the originol question to myself. Is recovery easy? No
Just a bit of recovery Shimmy. I’m smiling, I like that. Recovery Shimmy. I quess I’m just reminding myself – like I do and have done with this blog.
Smiles.
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John - December 19, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Called at your blog John
Love the black. Smiles. I have kinda kept this sunburn theme threw out my blog life. I did however change the theme to see what I looked like but I didn’t suit anything elese really.This theme is like my best fitting and favourite pair of jeans.
Smiles today
Di
duskydi - December 24, 2007 at 4:19 am
I’ve just been reading this back to myself and I think I’ve made myself pretty clear to myself how and what I feel about recovery.
I have had a lot of conflicting and confusing battles and torments with certain aspects of myself accepting the 12 step recovery model.
I transfered this piece of writing last week sometime to a codependancy post I had written and keep adding to. There are a few posts on this blog where I talk to myself about my recovery. You’ll find most of them under Life in Recovery I think.
To all who read this weather your in your own recovery or not. Just be true to yourself no matter what or who is against you. Just be true to yourself. It’s so hard – I know. And for people who will smile at that comment – you’ll know to won’t you.
I’m Diane and I’m a bit crazy from time to time and thats about me really. My guilt is lessoning having to finaly after years break away from the 12 step recovery model.
Yes! Breaking away, trying to be true to you with a whole recovery process which you’ve been part of for years telling you your gonna fuck up BIG TIME and die and worse than that ‘US’ people who you truly believed were your true friends will never be your friend again or even talk to you for that matter.
But Hey!!!
I’m Diane and Yes I will fight who-ever and what-ever to be true to me. I have to and I’m so sorry for all the people I have hurt by just being who I am.
I’ve hurt so many people by just wanting to change my recovery process a little. Listen friends I had to. My codependancy posts try to explain it, however I have gone off track a lot. Ha!! It’s what I do best. Bloody good job- get of the track when a trains coming. hehe!! makes sense to me.
I walk past people every single day when I go out of this house and get instantly judgded. ( just for not going to NA or AA meetings). I know its none of my buisness who’s judging who and lifes about judgment or how would we ever learn. I know all that bollony but it fucking hurts sometimes to feel that your friends who know so much about you choose not to talk to you ( Just about you ).
Hey Ho!!
I’m still Diane ya all know.
Smiling. I’m just the same. Just trying to be true to me thats all.
duskydi - April 2, 2008 at 4:10 am
And I know that every single person I have met in this recovery process is just their name to with no additional label.
I very rarely feel angry with people, it’s more the recovery process that gets me and when I see it working in people like it worked in me and peolpe are getting more inbalanced and wierd, I don’t generally see that behaviour as that person’s behaviours or feelings, I see it as the 12 step model’s.
It can all get so messy and fucked up you know – it can be so very dangerous…
OH!!
I can feel myself on a rant. Better get to the codependancy posts and make some comments. See what comes out.
Much love to all people I have come inot contact with sat in circles for hours.
HEY!!
Just by the by here. I’m having my own circle put into my newly created back yard today. A beautiful stone circle. The stones have already been cut and prepeared. They get layed today.
I’ve created some beautiful outdoor living space. I will put a picture here when I get my new camera.
Love.
duskydi - April 2, 2008 at 4:29 am
Smiling.
Yes! I’ve drove the workmen crazy. I was so worried about having workmen in my home but as has gone well.
The stone circle is finished and as they were laying each stone I stood on it thought a meaningful thought. I don’t think the workmen knew what to say.
Hehe!!
One workman asked what I had said to myself on this particular stone. I said. I asked for all people who were searching for peace of mind at times in their life to find it .
I’m not going to bore you, I’m going to write a different posts on my thougths whilst stood on my stones in my circle-All 33 stones and all 33 thoughts.
Loving always
Diane
duskydi - April 2, 2008 at 3:24 pm