For my Jack. Be a good boy.

I love you so much so very much. I’m finding it really hard with a nearly 18-year-old boy who likes to experiment with alcohol on Fridays. Yup all kids are drinking here in our country, legal age is 18. He got arrested last year for being all cheeky to the policeman. Obviously he resisted arrest in his drunken stupor and got himself locked up in a cell for the night and I got an £80 fine.

Been a single parent all his life, hes never had male influences but you better believe that I don’t take any shit of him. We generally have a very fond loving relationship but when hes had a drink of the stella lager it’s called ( Wife Beater ) he goes all arrogant and aggressive within himself.Its horrible.

I don’t want Our Jack to be a drinker I really don’t but you’ve got to let the kids find their own way haven’t you. I can just guide and talk to him. NO WAY do I want these kids of mine to get a criminal record or any form of addiction or dependency around drugs and alcohol. My daughter is a goodish girl shes had her moments but not manage get herself locked up.

A song for you Jack – Be a good boy.

Love Mum. x

Theres an interesting debate and a sacking of our senior drugs minister this week which I feel very passionately about. I’ll write about it soon.

So up rolls a riot van
And sparks excitement in the boys
But the policemen look annoyed
Perhaps these are ones they should avoid

Got a chase last night
From men with truncheons dressed in hats
We didn’t do that much wrong
Still ran away though for the laugh
Just for the laugh
And please just stop talking
Cause they won’t find us if you do
Oh those silly boys in blue
Well they won’t catch me and you

Have you been drinking, son
You don’t look old enough to me
I’m sorry, officer
Is there a certain age you’re supposed to be
Cause nobody told me

And up rolls the riot van
And these lads just wind the coppers up
They ask why they don’t catch proper crooks
They get their address and their names took
But they couldn’t care less

Got thrown in a riot van,
and all the coppers kicked him in,
and there was no way he could win,
just had to take it on the chin.

I’m tearful.

Thats all I want to say. I know its pesky premenstrual tension but never the less the tears are real salty and wet. The tears that are managing to drip into the corner of my mouth taste like the smell of my beach. A friend who is no longer with us in this world told me once  ~ Di we have tears so the raindrops don’t feel out-of-place. I feel all lonely again and loneliness is not great for me. It’s an emotion in the past which has taken me back to using drugs addictive. So I always get a bit worried when these bouts of lonliness get me.

Where the fuck has this feeling come from. I was on my hands and knees yesterday saying a little prayer to a God my prayer was thanking God for a thought I had. I thought how on earth can my world not be beautiful anymore. That thought still stands – my world is beautiful – I just feel a little lonely and tearful this morning. It’s PMT.

Love with tears

Di.

When you were here before,
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fuckin’ special

But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I’m not around
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She’s running out again
She’s running out
She run run run run…
run… run…

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t belong here.

Just  a quick little story about the feelings that got induced in me when Adele put this song on at the weekend when we were all being rock chics. She began to sing it to me and instantly I cried. Just like that. Cried. Sat there bloody crying as she was singing to me in a full room. I cried because I know how special I am to Adele and I cried because shes only just getting to grips with how special she is to me and other people.

Adele never truly believed how special she was to me because attraction and lust got in the way. It drove her crazy. My poor friend I drove her crazy. I didn’t mean to, her love for me drove her crazy. We’ve been best friends for nearly 18 years now and it took years for us both to work out our feelings. It was very intense for us both at points.

Adele’s just getting how special she is.

Anyway all is well now,there’s a great attraction for both of us and I guess there always will be but its an attraction thats manageable and meaningful for the both of us now and its a friendship that will be for life. It’s so fucking special.

It was just so wierd how I filled up instantly and cried when she sang this song to me and I think it was because I know how special I am to her  – so fucking special. I am very passionate and can cry at the drop of a hat ( sometimes ). I’ve not cried for ages really, not tears of pain and sorrow.

In fact I got really tearful making coffee yesterday and my thoughts to those tears were ‘ How can I not find my world not to be beautiful’ and I got down on my hands and knees in the kitchen and said to a God.

‘ Thank you a God for me having this thought, how on earth can my world not be beautiful now and I hope you’re looking after my mum thank-you’ Thats what I thanked God for yesterday and even got down on my hands and knees to do it.

A big soft Di with love.

PS. Adele….I’m so happy your special. So fucking special. I’m so happy you feel special now.

When you were here before,
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fuckin’ special

These are the words that made me cry.

I wish you out of the woods
And into a picture with me
I wish you over the moon
Come out of the question and be

If this is gonna run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head

I roller coaster for you
Time out of mind must be heavenly
It’s all enchanted and wild
Just like my heart said it was gonna be

If this is gonna run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head

I wish you out of the woods
And into the picture with me
I wish you over the moon
Come out of the question and be

If this is gonna run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head

If this is gonna run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head

If this is gonna run ’round in my head
I might as well be dreaming
Run ’round in my head

With love meaning and feeling

Di.

Hi Blog.

Well this is where I’m going tomorrow – well today as its 2.23 and I’ve just woken with coughing. I don’t think I will be going to this very beautiful place that this video shows but for sure they will be lots of beautiful visuals to entertain me. Psychedaelic trance folks are so very creative. I met a lady at Solfest a festival, we have here in Cumbria and she has invited myself and my friends to come along to see Banco De Gaia with her and stay over at her house. I believe shes got the most amazing house in the countryside..

She’s a new friend who I have only met once but we took to her like a duck to water as she did us and she unhitched her camp and came and camped with us at the festival. We had a ball with her. Unfortunately Adele and Marlisse won’t be able to come, there going to see Pink perform but Im more into trance than pop so I didn’t want to see Pink.

Banco De Gia with a new friend will be more entertaining and exciting for me than Pink. And Hey Annie is going to come instead of one of them and I hope Ade will be the other person who wants the ticket to come too. They love trance so I think that they will be pleased for the invite.Annie is a definate and Ade will let us know tomorrow.

Just got to make the pesky travel again. I knew October was going to be a busy month with people nights out and travelling to get to them but I’m prepared to make the effort. I’ll go that extra mile if I find something that I enjoy and you better believe me I enjoy psychedelic trance. A good psychedelic trance DJ will take you on a journey. I love my journeys. Jackie my new friend is ment to be an amazing woman – I thought her to be at the festival – shes an art therapist and a friend of my DJ friend Annie.

Should be fun.

I love people.

I love trance.

I love journeys.

I love newness.

I love dancing

Love Di. x

PS. If I get a new blog up and running should I call it. I LOVE. I seem to say that word more than any other I think. Hey I wonder what words other people use more than others. Mine seem to be friend love and just.

Hi blog. Just thought I’d show you my favourite pictures of the weekend

This picture was taken at the after party from The Country club night. What a great party with beautiful people old and new. I had a lovely interaction with a man , we talked for hours and I felt all soft and nice. It’s a unusual feeling for me, not to feel soft and nice but to feel soft and nice around a man is pretty rare. My connections are usually with women, no thats not true I do connect to men but not generally on a level I did at weekend. I really enjoyed the company off one man in particular and it felt lovely. Lovely nice soft warm and smiley. I might have even felt attracted to him in that lovely girly boyie way. Way Hey ! At last I feel an attraction. Maybe something is happening, something is shifting within me.I’ve shocked myself really, well not shocked myself all wierd, shocked with amusement. Im a bit of a funny bugger with attraction to men. I shy away from it.

 Look at Annie shes a dream, shes like a 60-year-old teenager full of life and spirit. I love it when Annie’s out. We have such a great time together. A lot of our friends tell us we have a similar energy. I think that they mean we are quite animated,full of expression and we always get accused of having great big smiles on our faces. We are smiley people anyway so I quess when were together we influence and encourage more smiles as we have them so strongly with each other that people join in with them. It’s great to be a smile transfer and its great to meet smile transfers.

I spent some time with my friends in the bathroom trying to get this pesky boat to row.Annie and I were having such a great time with this boat type item we found. ‘What is it a boat I say’, no Annie ‘it’s a giant pea nut shell’. We never figured out what it was but let me tell you we had great fun with it. We had a packed bathroom for a few hours it was great fun laughter is infectious and man did we laugh.

We had a great night and didn’t leave until lunchtime the following day – I was so tired and needed a few hours sleep before I set of on the bus to travel to Manchester to Sams birthday party. unfortunately my battery on my camera went so I couldn’t get pictures of the night which was a very different night to the previous. I was very tired but had to make the effort as it was Sams birthday. I’ve probably covered 300 miles from Friday night to Sunday night. The country Club was great ( notice my tweed ). We try to wear something tweed for our Country Club nights. I was a needy tweedy on Friday morning but the charity shops served me well with a tweed jacket and a flat cap. Armani jacket may I add.

Do you know what my outlet is ?

Its spending time with friends and dancing and talking nonsense into  the small hours that a day brings. I don’t live in the same area as my friends do ( my choice ) so if I have to make the travel for my nights and days out. Even got that bloody dog my baby Maggie to sort out now but life is good. It’s great having mad friends even my ’straight’ friends are mad and by straight I mean – Hmm I don’t know.Friends that have great jobs and are full of sever responsibilities and commitments to our society. Them there people who sit in meetings – work type meetings.

Bloomin   eck’ I’ve sat in a good few meetings myself over the years NA meetings. Hehe !! So thats what I mean by straight. Maybe I’m straight eh ~ smiling.Engaging with other human beings friends or not is so important to me and to all people I would imagine. I spend most of my week days on my own here in my comfortable little house with my comfortable life my kids and Maggie my dog ,only one child is still living at home and I have a pretty busy life with my commitments to Oliver my grandson. It’s great to get out of the house and interact – you never know whats going to occur you just never know.

I love little happenings and occurences. What are happenings ? Wt do you class as a happening. ?

Love in happenings and smiles

Di

Hey guess what blog?

I’m using Microsoft word here on my lap top I have to say it’s by default as I can’t seem to find just a little notepad to write on. On my PC its says notepad – simple – I just click on it and write. I think one of the reasons I’ve not been writing like I used to write is because I find it hard to write in the little box that’s provided on our blog new post place to write.

I have no idea what all these headings mean all the little lines and stuff, it’s baffling me. My daughter visited today and saw my delight and confusion as I try to tell her about my technically challenged mind as I try to find spell check.

‘Mum you’re such a bloody weirdo’ she says as her starts to click around. Stop stop I scream, ‘Please Kerri let me do the clicking so I can learn. Show me where to click because you’re far too fast for me to follow your clicks.

‘Sorry Mum not got time bye love you see you later’ Darn kids.

So, I might become some sort of posh writer now that I’ve found Microsoft word, don’t get me wrong its always popped up somewhere in my computer life Microsoft word but my thoughts were ‘ Fuck I’m not going there Microsoft sounds too I don’t know too computerise for me and I have my own words’

Been writing almost daily on this computer for five years now with no Microsoft word. I choose to ignore it and hey I’ve now gone over my 250 word count limit I’ve given myself. So I better go. Oh no – no more wittering – Ha! I can’t see that can you.

Love Di.

Well the time has come where my bank has offered me a credit card again. I’ve never had a credit card in my whole life never. What should I do

I am very tempted to accept my banks offer for one reason. The reason being I’m classed as bad debt person because I’ve NEVER had debt. How mad is that you’d think I would be classed as a good person for not ever having any debt.

If I accept I will be classed as a ‘good person’. How not right is that.

The reason I’ve never had a credit card or debt is because I’m too poor for debt. I budget very well with my weekly living money – have to. When there’s not been a lot of money in a family where there’s only one parent and two kids there’s no way you can get into debt – well there is but you won’t be able to get out of it.

I’ve been very clever even if I say so myself with debt and I really don’t want to get myself into trouble with spending money I don’t have. Managed to get this far I don’t want to fuck up now but it would be nice to be classed as a good normal functioning person for a change.

I’m thinking about it as it would be handy to have when travelling and I plan to travel these next few years. Right – Thinking cap on. Hmm! Maybe I’m the ‘good functioning person’ without the credit card eh !

Love Di.

I wanna have you
‘Cause you’re all I’ve got
Don’t wanna lose you
‘Cause it means a lot
All the joy this world can bring
Doesn’t give me anything
When you’re not here …

Idiot me
Stupid fool
How could you be
So uncool?
To fall in love with someone who
Doesn’t really care for you
It’s so obscure…

But I feel…
Wonderful
Yes I feel…
Wonderful

God, it makes me be so blue
Everytime I think about you
All of the heat of my desire
Smokin’ like some crazy fire
Come on here
Look at me
Where I stand
Can’t you see my heart burnin’
In my hands?
Do you want me?
Do you not?
Does it feel cold baby?
Does it feel hot?

I wanna hold you
And be so held back
Don’t wanna need you
But it’s where I’m at
Thinkin’ bout you every day
How come I was made that way?
It’s so surreal…

But I feel… wonderful
Yes I feel … wonderful

Enjoy Love in Wonderfulness. – I love the line ‘ Smoking like some crazy fire’  for all my friends I think your all wonderful  ~ I give you my heart for free.

Love Di.

I used to be lunatic from the gracious days
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed for you to see
Oh but now…
(I don’t find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry)

No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word

(The lover speaks about the monsters)

I used to have demons in my room at night
Desire, despair, desire… SOOO MANY MONSTERS!
Oh but now…
(I don’t find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry)

No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me in silence
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word

(They were being really crazy
They were on the come.
And you know what mummy?
Everybody was being really crazy.
Uh huh. The monsters are crazy.
There are monsters outside.)

No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me in silence
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word
Outside the word

This song was one of my earlier ones which I totally understood. The song I wanted to choose to put here is called Wonderful then I went from Wonderful to Honestly another great song by Annie Lennox then the song of all time No more I love You’s presented itself to me. So blog here it is.

Love in song always

Di.